Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
