So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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