Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I didn't notice because vodka
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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