she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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