dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
