I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
God I need to hump something, right now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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