dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
