grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
