My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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