Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
