I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
