sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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