why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
