You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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