fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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