I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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