i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
