shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
