Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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