Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
