Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
