btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
