Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize