I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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