So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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