My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
