My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
