at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
