you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
