Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten