This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
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I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
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Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital