Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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