I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
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I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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