I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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