i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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