you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am naked and annoyed.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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