Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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