Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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