if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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