Are we in a gay sports bar?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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