Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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