I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
