i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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