We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
worst night to have a conscience
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He better not be in your backpack
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
