3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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