i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
