That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
