My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We left the knife in your bed.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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