when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
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Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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