Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
