I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
