If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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