I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
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found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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