I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
