Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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