I could make wine with my vomit
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
