Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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