apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
