Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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